


We Built This Love on Words We Did Not Say

by This_Immortal_Hope



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Light Angst, Love Confession, canon "fix it", post acosf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 19:21:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30127626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_Immortal_Hope/pseuds/This_Immortal_Hope
Summary: "... and the confession he still had to make."The Rite interrupted Cassian's plans to talk to Nesta after shouting their mating bond across the Sidra. What if it hadn't? What if his plan to make her say just one word so that he could pour his heart out actually came to pass.The unapologetically fluffy (but still angsty because it's these two) love confession we never got!OR“I love you, Nesta.” Freed from the bonds of the bargain those were the first words that Cassian said to his mate after the disaster of informing her that she was, in fact, his mate. He didn’t care that Emerie and Gwyn were clearly listening from the top of the staircase. He didn’t care that Rhys hadn’t even fully winnowed away yet. He didn’t care about anything in the world except for making this right. Fixing what he broke between them. What he broke with his thoughtless, cruel words.Screw karma, irony was the real bitch.
Relationships: Nesta Archeron & Cassian, Nesta Archeron/Cassian
Comments: 5
Kudos: 76





	We Built This Love on Words We Did Not Say

The only thing that Cassian hadn't accounted for when he laid out this perfect plan in his head the day before was the possibility that Nesta would refuse to see him. He was suddenly terrified, as he paced back and forth in the front of Emerie's little shop after being told that the Illyrian female would "check if Nesta was willing to see him." He was terrified that she would barricade herself in the upstairs portion of Emerie's shop and declare that she never wanted to see him again. He didn't believe that she would do that, though. If she wanted that she would have used the bargain to order him to never speak to her again. Even at her angriest, her most raw... there was only one time since he'd known her that Nesta flat out refused to talk to him.

Ironic, considering what he said to her on that night... and what he would tear this world apart to say to her now.

Because he had to say it. And he didn't care if it made him a brute or a villain. If, after he said what he had to say, Nesta still sent him away then he would go. He would go and pray to the mother that she changed her mind. But... if she shut herself upstairs and refused to see him then he would owe Emerie a new shop by the end of this day. Not that tearing her friend's home apart would endear his mate to him, but... desperate times.

The plan to crumble Emerie's shop was proved to be overdramatic and unnecessary in the next instant. Cassian's entire body sagged in relief, his wings even dragged on the floor for a second, at the sound of nimble, light footsteps. Gods he could tell it was her just from the sound of her feet on the creaking wooden staircase. He felt her the second she entered the room.

Nesta's eyes were shadowed, like she hadn't gotten much sleep the night before. Neither had he. She had wrapped a thin sweater over the white cotton nightgown that she must have borrowed from Emerie, and her hair was braided simply down her back instead of in its usual coronet. She wasn't even wearing shoes, just a thin pair of socks. She looked so... at home. It broke his heart and made it swell in his chest at the same time. Because he ached to see her like this every day for the rest of his life. He wanted to wake up with his nose buried in that braid and his arms taking the place of that sweater, keeping her warm. And he wanted to give her a thicker pair of socks if she was planning to pad around Illyria without any damn shoes on.

“Cassian, I-”

“I love you, Nesta.” Freed from the bonds of the bargain those were the first words that Cassian said to his mate after the disaster of informing her that she was, in fact, his mate. He didn’t care that Emerie and Gwyn were clearly listening from the top of the staircase. He didn’t care that Rhys hadn’t even fully winnowed away yet. He didn’t care about anything in the world except for making this right. Fixing what he broke between them.

What he broke with his thoughtless, cruel words.

Screw karma, irony was the real bitch.

“You don’t have to-“

“No” he stepped forward, wings overtaking the small space of Emerie’s shop “no I don’t _have_ to. I’ve never had to. That’s the point, Nes.” Cassian took a breath in, testing the waters by moving closer to where she stood, leaned against the front counter of the little shop. “I want to tell you that I’ve been in love with you from the second I met you, but that would be a lie... and I can’t lie to you.” Nesta swallowed “I have belonged to you since the first moment I saw your face, though. Since I stared a little too long and we both snapped and bit at each other." he exhaled sharply at the memory. "I have known since the second I met you that I would crawl through nails on my hands and knees just to touch your skin, for one taste of you. That is what the mating bond does.” Nesta made a strangled, bitter sound low in her throat “which is why I can’t say that I’ve loved you from the moment I met you. Because this bond between us, that unstoppable pull... that isn’t why I fell in love with you, Nesta. I belonged to you instantly, but I started to love you more slowly. And I never-” he stepped even closer, gripping her chin in his fingers, tilting her head up “I need you to hear this, Nesta. I _never_ hated you. Not for one second. There were moments that I hated myself for not being able to hate you. But even then, even when I felt like you had torn my still beating heart from my chest and were dangling it in front of me-“ Nesta pulled back, trying to escape his grip. He held steady, forcing her to keep his gaze “all I could think was that I’d have ripped it out myself and laid it at your feet if it made you smile, if it could take away that haunted look in your eye.”

“Isn’t that exactly the sort of insanely blind behaviour that the mating bond causes?” Nesta asked, and there was no bitterness in her voice. Only sadness. Only doubt.

“No” he said fiercely “that’s what I am telling you. The only Mates you’ve known are Feyre and Rhys. I’ve seen the bond go wrong. Trust me when I tell you that being mates does not have to mean we give a damn about each other. It’s a connection. One we will always have, but this-” he rested his forehead against hers, lifting her hand to press over his chest and breathed in deeply while she felt his beating heart “this is not the mating bond, Nesta.”

“How can you be so sure?” Her lower lip quivered “you’ve always... you said that it’s always been there so how can you know what you really feel.. that you aren’t just being blinded into making this horrible mistake because of some stupid-“

“Don’t” he growled “don’t call it stupid. It brought me you. It bound us together. The mating bond isn’t perfect, but I will never insult anything that got us to this point, Nesta.” He swallowed. "And don't ever, _ever_ call what exists between us a mistake. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life Nesta, but you will never be one of them. I don't regret a single minute, even the hard ones, even the ugly ones, even when one of us lashed out and said something stupid. I'll never regret anything that got us to this point." Nesta's eyes flickered, tears pooling in her waterline, but Cassian wasn't certain she was convinced. He knew her too well for that now, too well to think that it was the nice, pretty words that would convince her. She wanted, she deserved, every word of truth. "You broke my heart, Nesta." she jerked back "not with anything you said or did. You broke my heart when you stopped caring about yourself, when you didn't... couldn't love yourself like I loved you. There is no insult you could even throw at me that would hurt like it hurt to see you not want to keep living. Because you are one half of my heart. Probably more."

"I don't... I have never understood" she whispered "how someone like you could... how you could care about me, or why you bothered to keep trying." 

Cassian wanted to wrap her in his arms, to kiss away her doubt and show her just how much he cared. But he had done that already, and he would do it every day for the rest of their lives, if she would let him. Right now Nesta needed words. She needed to see herself how he saw her. “The first thing I thought when I saw you was that you were not at all what I imagined when Feyre spoke of you.”

“I was worse” Nesta scoffed “as you made clear.”

“I snapped and insulted you because you caught me staring.” He admitted, finally admitted the truth “I was expecting this nasty, shallow, spoiled girl.” Nesta flinched, and Cassian knew what she was thinking. Hated that he’d left her so unsure of his feelings for her that she believed he could have ever thought those things about her. No wonder she wasn’t jumping to accept their bond. “I was not expecting the steel-spined goddess that stepped in front of her sister even in the face of 3 Illyrian warriors.” Her eyes snapped up and Cassian took the opportunity to run his calloused thumb over her smooth cheekbone. “I could taste how afraid you were, but you kept your head up, gave nothing away, stared us down and set your body in front of your sister. I was... gods, I was terrified that you could see everything on my face, not the strange tug in my chest, but the fact that it was _not_ some melting, primal, mating feeling. It was...like meeting an opponent on the battle field, and being completely unprepared. No matter how pissed I’ve ever been at you, Nesta. I always respected your strength. Always.” Nesta’s bottom lip quivered again, but Cassian pressed forward “even when you were human, I had to fight against everything inside of me to stop from going to you, from pressing my hands against your skin and testing what I could feel thrumming in my veins. I told myself that you were human, that it was pointless... But the day that you stood in your house and called 5 queens of the land cowards, snapping to protect the people in your territory. You called them madwomen and arrogant stupid fools and even when you leveled those same words at me, my heart sung to see the flames flickering in your eyes. When you said you’d done the math on an evacuation I knew, in the instant that I crossed to you... I didn’t only know _what_ you were to me, but I knew _who_ you were, Nesta.”

“And who am I?” Her face was so open, so trusting, that it nearly broke his heart. “Because I’ve been trying to figure it out for years.”

Cassian breathed in her scent, pressed his lips against the side of her temple “Lady Death” Nesta froze “I’m serious” he murmured into her hair “you are the woman who went to war with death itself for the people you love. No matter where you were, what you were doing, how you were struggling. No matter if you also hated everyone that you loved at the time... you never stopped fighting for us all, stepping up, doing what had to be done. Even if it killed you. Even if it ate you alive” Cassian pulled back, smirking as he hit his nose against hers “even if you acted like a little witch while you did it.” Nesta scoffed at that and the sound was so typical of her that Cassian couldn’t help slipping his arms around her waist and pulling her closer. “You are strong and sharp and cunning and I wouldn’t have you any other way. I love you.” Cassian pressed his mouth against the tears that were running down her cheek “I love you” he kissed his way down the column of her throat, darting his tongue against the pulse point that drove him crazy even years ago, in front of a fireplace in a mortal home “I love you.”

Nesta tipped her head back “I’ll never deserve you” she whispered, and from the way her eyes widened, Cassian knew she was surprised that she said the words aloud.

“If there is one thing I have learned in my very long life” he held her gaze “it is that love has nothing to do with what is deserved. I love you, and that isn’t something that you have to earn or punish yourself to become worthy of. I love you because you are you. I love you for the past that you have overcome, I love you for the present that stands in front of me, and I love you for the future that we will build together. If you’ll have me.”

“Of course I will” Nesta sobbed “I- I can’t promise that I’m going to be ok just yet, and I don’t know what... struggles I might face in the future but... I’ll get through it.” She nodded, determined as any general on a battlefield “as long as you’re with me, I know that I can get through anything.”

“That’s all I’ve ever wanted, Nes. Change is inevitable, hard times are inevitable, sorrow and pain and loss... we will face them all. But from this minute forward... we face them together. I'm here.”

“I'm here.” Nesta nodded, and Cassian hauled her against his chest and finally let his lips meet hers. Or they almost did “wait” he groaned at the feeling of her lips moving against his but not kissing him. “I love you” she whispered and the only things that Cassian was aware of in the next moment were the feeling of Nesta’s lips against his, and the knowledge that while he left Emerie's shop standing... he would be buying her a new front counter once they were done.


End file.
